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| Thursday, February 15th, 2007 | | 9:30 pm |
anyway, I retook the personality test Lindsay has calmed be down quite a bit | | Friday, June 23rd, 2006 | | 11:31 pm |
update horrah
well I gues it's no secret if you have been reading any of my other updates on other places, or if you've been talking to me, that I am in love though she doesn't seem to know it... anyway, that's the update, I have a real hardcover journal now, and since reflecting on my life is mostly for my own good, updates will be even more spare from now on not that anyone ever read this so see you later | | Saturday, March 25th, 2006 | | 1:27 am |
The public posting of my activitties
well, I'm back after getting my food, to do my public post its been a long time for one thing, I got my Eagle this week did the board of review, which I found quite a bit silly unfortunately I am not allowed to tell you exactly what they asked I did go on a ski trip over spring break, which was moderately good I only got to ski 2 days out of three, so that wasn't good, and I was out $600 from it, again, not good but it was fun, very fun, the best skiing I've had so far. we went to Aspen Snowmass and Sunlight they were both delightful, aside from the awful snowstorm on day 2, which made skiing impossible for me due to snowblindness and sheer cold the car trip was reasonably short, though next year I will deffinitely bring a pillow and blanket I hope to have the pictures back soon I am currently jobless and effectively girl less and thats all I have to say right now | | Thursday, March 9th, 2006 | | 3:01 am |
it seems that 3 AM is magic journal time
I'm sorry that I haven't been updating my journal more often I don't know why I do that, I should update more being back with steph has addled my brain I don't really care anymore, I fully expect her to betray me, and right now am just biding time I have a major crush on laurel, I saw her tonight she's so, charming and beautiful, and so beautifully innocent, unmarred by the world's darker edge -------------------- I was planning to write a long and self pitying speech about how life isn't fair and all that jazz, you know all that stuff that I say when I want to feel better, having sufficiently lectured the world but I read a comic that made me laugh, and reminded me that I'm not the only one who feels this way about life and so I will attempt to give this post a possitive spin -------------------- I am going skiing at the end of the week, we leave sunday night, drive all night to get to aspen I just bought three new System of a Down albums I am in love, with someone who seems to at least show some interest in me and possibly, just possibly, I will get to go out on a date on friday, with steph steph isn't disrupting my life as much as she could, for that I am thankful and of course, I have all that I could realistically expect out of life on hand there, I feel better peace. | | Sunday, February 26th, 2006 | | 3:11 am |
a very self centered post
I was just sitting in bed, trying to get to sleep and I couldn't sleep now that is normal, for me, but me actually taking action on it (other than the usual two methods), is completely different so I decided to analyze myself and the first thing I decided, was that I am a very self centered person and this is going to be a self centered post, so if you don't like it, you can stop reading now, and do something useful, like looking at my art page at http://schloi.deviantart.com/now on with my post I decided that I am very self centered, the fact that I spend so much time just trying to satisfy my lust for recognition is a clear sign that I am not properly balanced thats my worst problem, I have a lust for recognition, for some sort of fan base but the problem is, my talents are limited, and my self esteem is often low confident people get recognised, its a fact but I'm not fully confident, I'm more desperate even now, when I have a girlfriend I still feel very very unwanted thats why I create art, really, I just want someone out there to see my work, and think that I am pretty cool for making it I know that its not fantastic art, its just so so art, there are a few people worse than me, and alot of people better than me, and not being in the top rung of talent bothers me another thing that bothers me is that my artistic expression form is so, limited I paint you look at a painting only sparingly, once and you leave and never look at it again especially computer paintings, theres no physical evidence that I have done anything music, however, for some reason or another, has a perminate hold on your brain, there are songs that people will listen to for the rest of their lives, that is a lasting achievement I get the feeling that after I die, my work will die with me heck, its already dead, no one looks at it if I don't prod them people tell me its good when they finally do look, but do they come back? do they comment? do they add it to their favorites? no not likely, not often if you are one of those rare people that does, I appologise. but unless that is the case, I feel very undervalued which says something in itself I must think I'm worth alot to put this much effort into trying to convince others yet I treat myself so badly I tell myself I'm not good, that I'm unnattractive, then I try and argue with myself about it try to tell myself that I am successful within my limited field when it comes right down to it, I take life too seriously I'm too uptight I seem to be unable to just let things go, at least when they involve me I'm obsessive, and I will do almost anything to satisfy those obsessions the world doesn't love obsessive people, its rather cruel to them and I swing from happy to depressed fairly quickly I don't know why I may never know all I know right now is that its 3 AM, and I'm not at all tired | | Friday, February 10th, 2006 | | 10:08 pm |
awful awful awful travesty
are you aware of what is happening in modern music? neither am I but this is a travesty Devo 2.0 its devo, but without the original band members, directed at preteens furthermore, its backed by Disney DISNEY IS BACKING DEVO 2.0 the original devo was anticorperate, and very strange this new devo, its just trying to be part two its not, unless you could call it the flop sequal to a wonderful original they never do this to the rolling stones, they don't do this to the beatles why must they do it to devo? of course the band website Club Devo backs it, but its still awful its not near strange enough to be devo ugg, corperate america makes me sick at times --------------------- and good news on my front I have two dates coming up one on sunday and one on thursday steph got grounded and is smoking again both seem like bad ideas she's a nut though anyway, thats it for now | | Monday, February 6th, 2006 | | 10:57 pm |
oh Joy!
JOYOUS CELEBRATIONS ARE IN ORDER! not only did I make out with steph today, but I have two dates in the next week and a half!! steph called me at 1:30ish, told me to come over, I did, next thing I know I'm making out with her for a full hour! we talked alot about love and commitment, and that she seems to not have enough. got my DVDs in the mail today and I have a date with a girl from Truebeginnings a week from thursday Current Mood:  ecstatic | | Sunday, January 29th, 2006 | | 4:23 pm |
today by smashing pumpkins
anyway went to church decided to do a voice during my skit not much response to the skit even though I had the lead *shrug* then during brad's class I was sitting there while brad was talking about prayer requests and this girl across the table got in this really intense eye contact thing with me like, the death eye contact so I couldn't NOT respond to that it would completely mess with my self esteem so I wrote down my number and wrote "would you like to get coffee sometime?" on a piece of paper then after prayer, I slipped it in front of her and made a hasty retreat thats it for now, off to the slave pit! | | Friday, January 27th, 2006 | | 4:28 am |
box office gross
Casanova: $10,457,989 (USA) (22 January 2006) Narnia: $271,852,138 (USA) (22 January 2006) King Kong: $209,875,885 (USA) (22 January 2006) The Producers: $18,394,172 (USA) (22 January 2006) cheaper by the dozen 2: $78,070,178 (USA) (22 January 2006) Ice Harvest: $8,819,059 (USA) (11 December 2005) Grandma's boy: $5,935,826 (USA) (22 January 2006) Harry Potter 4: $285,538,219 (USA) (22 January 2006) chicken little:$133,394,202 (USA) (22 January 2006) Jarhead: $62,647,540 (USA) (15 January 2006) Derailed: $35,847,740 (USA) (22 January 2006) Zathura: $28,045,540 (USA) (11 December 2005) Walk the Line: $102,076,758 (USA) (22 January 2006) Aeon Flux: $25,642,277 (USA) (22 January 2006) the Family Stone: $57,179,206 (USA) (15 January 2006) so, what can we learn from this data, you may ask? you might ask that, if you where still reading at this point what we can learn is that Grandma's boy was a bomb Aeon flux and Zathura where bombs if you concider the size of their target audience I think its sad that the three best movies I've seen this year(casanova, Ice Harvest, and the producers) didn't break 20,000,000. I also think that its sad that these movies make so much, that the entertainment industry is making so much money, and they still can use being the entertainment industry as an excuse not to pay overtime thats just a personal interest for me, how much things make you notice, there are no movies on the list that didn't play at my theater | | Thursday, January 26th, 2006 | | 4:06 am |
just thinking
"I never use the words Democrats and Republicans. It's liberals and Americans." -- James G. Watt, 1982 you really think about this, think about it, how conservatives like James Watt treat their fellow men this type of quote is just another reminder of whats wrong with this planet I stand by the remark that anyone who thinks that politics, preferences, race, or background makes you less of a man is themselves a bigot to some level, and those are the people that are what is wrong with this planet I might also meantion that Watt is one of the twelve members of reagan's cabinet to have criminal charges brought against them -------------- Are you doing better than you were four years ago? Is there more or less unemployment than there was four years ago? If you answer yes to all these questions, I think it is obvious who you will vote for. (ronald reagan in 1980 campaign) I find this quote interesting for several reasons, the number one reason being that it seems to me that the president really doesn't do anything of value to change the life of the working man the poor are still poor the rich are still rich, often getting richer and the plebs in the middle are still in the middle a good deal of people remain unhappy, no matter who is president no matter who is governor I think the only real jobs that effect my every day life is the jobs of mayor and city planning just a thought --------------- "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." Ronald Reagan this is something I very much agree with if you ascribe the the idea of freedom, the man makes a good point just thinking about the Bush presidency, wondering if he knows anything about freedom at all *shakes head in wonder* --------------- and now, for a humourous quote from the original George Bush "I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli." *chuckles* good old H W Bush --------------- alright, so theres my politics, since no one reads this journal, it won't matter! yeah so anyway steph was a no show today I had hoped to see her again tonight, during my break just to see if she is as ravishing as she once was heck, I might as well admit it I wanted her back very badly I still want her back I doubt I will stop wanting her for a long time since she is the only woman I have ever known good enough to let me get so far, on my looks and charm, I suppose I will find her wonderful until I see another woman who is willing to give me love as well as her body ----------------- might be going to a 3-11 concert soon who are they you ask? I don't know but it doesn't matter I'll be with freinds ---------- now back to finishing my margarita | | Friday, January 20th, 2006 | | 4:06 pm |
Casanova
They cut the producers from our movie list this week, so I decided to go see Casanova, after all, it can't be as bad as certain other films... Casanova Review By Max Malcolm I immediately enjoyed Casanova, in the first 20 minutes it captured me. The amount of charm dedicated to the movie is the main reason that I enjoyed it, along with an appearance by Tim McInnerny as the Doge, and of course, the fun of period costumes. The characters where well done, along with the set work and costumes, making it all, sort of meld together into a satisfactory movie. I can't say enough about the costumes, they where really fantastic, or at least I thought so. I would give Casanova 4 stars. | | 1:58 am |
up at night, thinkin
| You Are 100% Weird | 
You're more than quirky, you're downright strange.
But you're also strangely compelling, like a cult leader. |
yes yes, we all knew THAT I was reading a dave barry article and suddenly, I realized that I cannot remember the first time I kissed steph sure, I remember meeting her sure, I remember sitting on a couch talking with her and her freinds a few days later sure, I remember showing her the cool spot in the PAC, in the balcony, feeling her up, her laying on top of me, then making a lame excuse and backing out of sex sure, I remember making out with her at my house sure, I remember making out in the back seat of the car on my birthday while my mom was in the mexican resteraunt getting the food(she didn't wear a bra as a gift for me), then she passed out later on the couch while watching ishtar sure, I remember more stuff from that point on but can I remember the first kiss? no I can't remember it and I never will.... ------------------------- SKI TRIP UPDATE this little episode with memory has reminded me that I need to keep better track of memories the ski trip was, not worth the 300-some dollars I spent on it long car drive just for 1.5 days of skiing bad sleeping accomidations(we slept in churches, and I ended up having to sleep near the loudest of the boys all three nights) less than half the mountain was open and what was open was icy and packed with novices, not the nuns, the bad skiers, the ones that go down at the speed you would go if you where walking down the second day was a little better anyway, glad I didn't have to pay for most of it --------------------------- eagle is almost done I'll be 18 in february I've decided to buy a car I'm in another skit entitled "Nick Savage: God Detective" I think that the girl in skits is cute I think that I will ask her out on a sort of group date with me, her, and a guy who is no compition for me at all gonna get my full licence soon and a better job (we can hope) Pam from work is sort of, ignoring me now I think that me asking her out was a bad idea oh well, thats life | All American Kid | 
Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain.
You were well rounded and well liked in high school. |
Lies, every word of it | The Keys to Your Heart | 
You are attracted to obedience and warmth.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
hmmm, maybe | Your New Year's Resolutions | 
1) Get a pet rock
2) Eat more Cheetos
3) Travel to Spain
4) Study rare insects
5) Get in shape with disco dancing |
alright, I'll get a pet rock, but thats it | Your Dating Purity Score: 68% | 
You are an under-experienced dater.
This doesn't mean you're unexperienced - far from it.
It just means that there's a lot of romance left to discover! |
no kidding! | Your Band Name is: | 
The Sacred Pope |
alright, bored, goodnight! | | Thursday, January 19th, 2006 | | 7:34 pm |
 its been a fine day, my shoes are messed up and I bought a new pair of pants, and a new jacket from hot topic | | Thursday, January 12th, 2006 | | 6:48 pm |
today
today I woke up at 10 AM installed a new doornob on the garage door (it broke the other day), got another $40 for the trip went back to Jenks High School, just to get the signiture, made me feel kinda sad, its not what it used to be, it seemed very desolate and dead compared to how I remembered it. ------------ I called out to work to get my hours for next week and guess what you'll never guess... never guess alright, anyway, they had scheduled me to work almost every day I am on vacation this is the same job that gave me this entire week that I didn't ask for off and when I went down there to fix it, Martinez(the top boss) wasn't there, so I had to send a note up the tube explaining. I did tell ms douglas about it, and she said that I would have to work that out when I got back. so, yea, thats been my day | | Monday, January 2nd, 2006 | | 3:37 am |
blogthing time
| You are a Believer | 
You believe in God and your chosen religion.
Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu..
Your convictions are strong and unwavering.
You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone. |
just playing around today taking a day off from thinking about life | On Average, You Would Sell Out For | 
$1,114,120 |
I don't think I would but they are the experts | Your Mood Ring is Purple | 
Sensual
Clear mind
Purpose is known |
sensual? that makes it sound like someone would WANT me to be | Your Seduction Style: Au Natural | 
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you. |
well, thats the ticket eh? I HAVE NATURAL TALENT FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN"T WORK! hahahahaha by the way, on the last question, they didn't have an answer for if you think that you actually aren't that good at it | You Are 25 Years Old | 
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
well, I'm older than I actually am eh?! | In a Past Life... | 
You Were: A Brave Monk.
Where You Lived: Tibet.
How You Died: In Childbirth. |
A MONK THAT DIED IN CHILDBIRTH!! SEEEEXY!! | | Sunday, January 1st, 2006 | | 1:49 am |
begining of a year
here I am. 1:49 minutes into the year, and already I'm dissappointed in it. this is probly just late night depression, so if you see this and worry about me, don't. during the day, it seems like life might be worthwhile and all that nonsense. but at night, deep in the night, when I can't sleep because life seems so bleak, thats when this part of me comes out. my day self hates this part of me, but I hate him too, when I'm allowed out, I hate him equally as much as he hates me. of course, he's not really capable of hate, but whatever equivilent emotion there is, he has it for me. days are too cheerful thats why I love winter cold, short days, ice, you don't have to see people's ugly skins, the sun doesn't beat down in that yellow intruding way. and no shorts, I hate shorts, no matter who is wearing them. the only girl that loves me is over 500 miles away, there is no way to see her, likely I will never see her. my parents don't know about her, and I'm not gonna tell them either, they already dissapprove of my lifestyle. they dissapprove of my reading material(if you get my drift), they dissapprove of my sleeping habits, they don't like my eating habits, or my attitude towards scouts. I'm gonna buy them the stupid toner, and enough paper to last them months, just to shut them up about it. I hate money. I hate it, it only causes trouble. I hate relationships, they are too complicated, and the pain outways the reward. -------- anyway, here I am, 1:58 minutes into the new year, and its already showing signs of being just as bad as last year, if not worse. I doubt that I will experience anything new on the relationship front, so thats a step back I doubt that I will learn anything new, I doubt that I will profit this year, in fact, I'm just going to try to break even. new freinds? doubtful they will last the year. old freinds will leave. I will fall in the respect of my parents, and I doubt that I will be able to move out.if I am faithful to my current girlfreind, I will be nailed to the floor this year in all respects, of course, even if I fail her, I doubt that there would be any movement. national debt is rising, the war is failing to accomplish whatever it was supposed to yep, this is going to be a sucky year, lets toast it *toast* | | Thursday, December 29th, 2005 | | 6:55 pm |
I doubt it
I just got the Damn Skippy in the mail its good, very good I've been sick which is bad luck because every day I don't work is money I don't make. I'm in love with Amy, if I where feeling better I'd talk about it more B has left forever, or so harrison tells me harrison has become something different I have no idea whats wrong with him and I probly won't, as he avoids me avidly I've been reading the Hobbit I have no idea what else is notable I got a television for christmas and a bunch of other good things threats have been made by my job that I might get fired but then, thats their method of encouragement telling me life is just gonna get worse the job is actually a good job if it wheren't for the company I have to keep the people around me do not interest me in the least or are my enemies I fell in love with one girl at work then she left for college she was/is 21, not that it matters got turned down for the job at the bookstore eagle is looming only a few more runs left then, if I make it then its all over if not then *shrug* things will work out I miss B I miss Animan I miss the old Mbuhir, before he started ignoring me I miss Ti'ana, do you remember Ti'ana? I cared for her I miss the old gang from school Ashley, Jamie, Noah, and Dale, all gone now, ignoring me or gone, I saw Noah the other day, he's moving up in the world. the rest, are however they are, whereever they are, without me I don't miss Steph I don't miss Mr Arnecher I don't miss Mr Sirrus I don't miss detention I don't miss working hard for no good reason I don't miss school ---------------- | | Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 | | 8:05 pm |
indeed
next teach make hurrying. least bridge fly social food. if independent strange better steps social, awhile fly really usedto. effect kept become horses. met inside glad. fire profession keeping? book why girls, | | Thursday, December 15th, 2005 | | 3:02 am |
I have an insane depression
right now, I feel as if my mind has just, completely, and utterly, decided that life has no reason --------------- I just realized, sitting in bed, that I have never understood life I've never understood love, people, or the reason people act as they do I am a fool, and so is anyone who thinks he knows what god is doing if god responded to me, the question remains, would I be happy? is there any happiness left in the world for me? I read somewhere once, someone had a unique idea, that each person had a preset amount of words that they can speak before they die, but no one knows their number I think I feel the same way, about happiness my heart, my soul, pain, lack of sensation, death is the physical body failing the true cause of death? or is it when you realize that there is nothing left, and your soul departs for the afterlife? will anyone remember me, when I die? do I want them to? how long is long enough? how much is too much? when am I allowed to give up? I need a hug so badly I need love I need her whereever she is does she exist? is anything real? I feel, nothingness. help please, anyone. this feeling, is so painful. I can't stand it. I want it to stop. please, please, please, stop, I can't stand this feeling. I'm so alone, so very very alone. and I can't see an end to this lonelyness. please help, please. goodnight. | | Monday, December 5th, 2005 | | 11:34 pm |
This is not reflecting my current mood, I just promised myself I would write it while in a different mood all together: I've been listening to this song alot lately, and I find it to be a metaphor for the turn my life has taken, lyrics with notes under each lyric as to how it pertains to my present situation: Breakin’ rocks in the hot sun (I took a job, it's uncomfortable and undesirable, bad hours as well) I fought the law and the law won (I fought the system, but the system seems to have won) I needed money ’cause I had none (I've given up my hair, my regular sleep, at times parts of my religious life, because of this job, because of money) I fought the law and the law won (I tried to work around the system, but it seems to be trying to assimilate me) I left my baby and it feels so bad (I have no girl, life with no girl sucks, as anyone could tell you) Guess my race is run (I'm at the point of giving up, it seems to be all over) She’s the best girl that I ever had (She's the ONLY girl worth meantioning I've ever been with) I fought the law and the law won (I fought the system, all it got me was a lonely life, working for a soul-less corperation) -------------------------- Right, I had to write that, if I break promises to myself, what kind of man would I be? that sounded nuts, I haven't been completely sane lately -------------------------- right, so anyway, I have two good ideas why my sucky life is fine One: I've been thinking, maybe my life is so sucky now so that whenever it gets good, it will seem like heaven on earth, like when I started dating steph, because I had never had a girlfreind like THAT before, it seemed great, even though she turned out to not really care about me. Two: Read "The Myth of Sysaphis" by Camus |
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